   
 | From the Editor's Desk
Why parents should stop blaming themselves for how their kids turn out Millions of children have been studied to disentangle all the shaping forces. Studies have followed identical twins and fraternal twins and plain-old siblings growing up together or adopted and raised apart. Growing up in the same home does not make children noticeably more alike in how successful they are, how happy or self-reliant they are, and so on.
In other words, imagine if you'd been taken at birth and raised next door by the family to the left and your brother or sister had been raised next door by the family to the right. By and large, that would have made you no more similar or different than growing up together under the same roof.
On the one hand, these findings seem unbelievable. Think about all the ways that parents differ from home to home and how often they argue and whether they helicopter and how much they shower their children with love. You'd think it would matter enough to make children growing up in the same home more alike than if they'd been raised apart, but it doesn't.
But just because an event doesn't shape people in the same way doesn't mean it had no effect. Your parenting could be shaping your children - just not in the ways that lead them to become more alike. Your parenting could be leading your first child to become more serious and your second child to become more relaxed. Or, it could lead your first child to want to be like you and your second child to want to be nothing like you.
You are flapping your butterfly wings to your hurricane children.
Continued here
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